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Monday 19 October 2015

Hollywood, show some more balls (and willies)


“It’s time to get real. Let the peen stand tall!”

Hollywood, we need to talk. We need to talk about one of your most malignant shames. It’s nothing new but for the longest of time you’ve had an aversion to showing the male member on screen in all its (questionable) glory. To the point where you’ve left your audiences wondering whether your male cast actually have members at all. Are you employing generally good looking eunuchs?

Grey Worm, the good looking eunuch in Game of Thrones
Thankfully we know your female cast members are anatomically in tact. Compared to your representation of man-flesh, you flaunt the flange as if it were the celebrity body part trend de jour.


It’s particularly head-scratchingly disturbing when a show like Masters of Sex which is all about the sexual research revolution neglects to show one single penis  - not even a flaccid one. Ok, so they showed  Dr Masters (Michael Sheen) with a morning glory but that was just fabric covered props. And we know Sheen really does have a penis because his girlfriend Sarah Silverman has revealed he calls it 'The Great Christine Baranski'.


And yet, it’s perfectly fine to depict Masters' female protagonist Virginia Johnson (Lizzy Caplan) completely naked because #femalenudityquota but leave Sheen's penis to the imagination. A climate of you, Hollywood perpetuating that male full frontal or MFF is one of your last taboos has led Masters of Sex creator Michelle Ashford to not want to push the envelope lest the show be accused of trying to make some sort of statement. A frank show about sex making a statement? Not in the penis department thank you very much.

Lizzy Caplan in Masters of Sex

Hollywood, we’ve reached a point where your problem has become beyond ridiculous. Recently, one of your bolder children, Sarah Treem creator of The Affair, decided to start off season two with a bang, daring to show a cast member’s junk – well a stand-in’s anyway - in the aftermath of a sex scene. Yes, a dangling dick and balls up close! Though you could be forgiven for missing them completely - they were shown fleetingly then quickly blurred out of focus like some saggy flesh coloured mass of plasticine. Really? How prudish do you think your audience is Hollywood? You, my cashed up friend are the prudish one.

The Affair's MFF blurred out like skin coloured plasticine

But fair suck of the (mostly invisible) sav, you have managed to, er, grow in recent years. In some respects your movie arm seems to be more progressive, allowing a handful of its bolder male stars to flop the peen around as if it were the end (or beginning) of the world. Michael Fassbender, we’re looking at you. And this year, the makers of the indie The Overnight went out of their way to make sure that MFF was more prominent than female.

"I feel bad for anyone that paid for the movie hoping for boobs," the film's writer/director Patrick Brice told BuzzFeed.

The cast of The Overnight


But in TV too there’s been progress, though only in cable and subscription streaming where the pushing of content boundaries is encouraged. You’ve gone from Hung, a show about a gigolo with a massive schlong which we never saw to the swords and sandals flesh-fest Spartacus where male cast members got their kit off with abandon. It was a regular sausage fest that threatened to balance out the female nudity. Black Sails also lets its cast members flaunt their Long Dong Silvers as did shows like Rome, Sense8 and occasionally, Boardwalk Empire and Orange is The New Black.

The Spartacus men were never far from naked abandon
But MFF is still the exception rather than the rule, the penis and scrote remaining somehow sacred. Which is kinda funny when you think about it. In all its veiny, scrotey, fleshy variations, it’s hardly the most aesthetically charming body part. 

Your most celebrated and globally popular offspring Game of Thrones has been practically eviscerated for not being gender-equal in its depiction of the pink and hairy bits and rightly so. In a time when premium cable TV shows are at the vanguard - especially those that hit peak pop cultural exposure - GoT should be setting an example. God knows it has plenty of opportunity to. Next season during one of the common ‘sexposition’ scenes, just mosey the camera on down to a willy or two.



Because if the world were just, for every showing of a female cast member’s boobs, bum and below-the-equator would be an equal showing of a male’s bait and tackle. It’s only fair because if the show’s creators are going for reality (though reality is subjective when your show features dragons, direwolves and White Walkers) it’s more than a bit rich to keep the peen off screen.

Fans of GoT want more MFF. Back in April Anna Kendrick tweeted what seemingly many are thinking:



And the cast wants it too. Carice Van Houten who plays witchy woman Melisandre told The Daily Beast:

“Nudity should be equal because we’re showing real life. I think it’s still quite a taboo to see a penis, and if you’re showing reality, then I wouldn’t mind seeing reality,” she said. “I think it would be good to show the male body more frequently to take away taboos about sexuality. A breast is something that your mother has, and a penis is something that your father has. It’s the human body!”

Hodor reveals Hodor the Smaller
Yes GoT has had a few attempts at male full frontal but Hodor’s considerable dong turned out to be a prosthetic and Theon Greyjoy’s a one time only deal - it was later lopped off. And it’s not as if a swag of GoT’s male cast aren’t up for dropping trou. DeObia Oparei who plays Areo Hotah is. I asked him recently why showing a penis on screen is still such a taboo in this day and age. And Hollywood, listen up - his rapid response is telling.

“Because Hollywood is male and our culture is patriarchal,” he said. “Women have been objectified by men in our patriarchal culture so that follows then in our cultural pursuits, in our art. It would be great for that to be changed because I think it’s exciting having men who are objectified too, except that within the realms of patriarchy that is not seen as masculine.”

GoT's DeObia Oparei is up for it
So Hollywood, while you insist on setting the camera to ‘Heterosexual Male Gaze’ no great leaps forward will be made. I’m not asking for throbbing erections. Lordy no! That would be porn! (Although you could learn something from the porn world’s lack of prudishness). But it’s time to get real. Enough of the Ken doll genital invisibility. Let the peen stand tall! Or at least dangle pathetically. Just take it one flaccid, overtly visible step at a time. It’s called progress.

Wednesday 4 December 2013

TV Review: Redfern Now

UNIVERSALLY SPEAKING










When it’s a struggle to pick the most outstanding out of a batch of stellar stories, you know you’re onto a good thing.

"This second installment of the anthology series has been nothing short of outstanding."

Such is the welcome dilemma of Redfern Now. Building on the emotional powder keg of six initial episodes, this second installment of the anthology series - with established characters and new - has been nothing short of outstanding.

Ernie Dingo features in the Season 2 finale
It’s been said before but though it’s a drama based on an urban indigenous society too rarely seen in a more balanced light until recently, the situations and issues Redfern Now presents are relevant universally on a very human level. 

Grief of sudden death, middle-aged love against adversity, domestic violence, a new mother’s newborn anguish, the reverberating pain of abandonment, gambling addiction. All are treated unflinchingly with dashes of welcome humour artfully in the mix.

But make no mistake, this is uncompromising Australian drama – this week’s finale featuring Ernie Dingo in a fierce neighbourhood conflict is sure to pack an emotional punch.

Here’s hoping Aunty commissions Season 3. 

The Season 2 finale of Redfern Now airs tonight at 8.30pm (AEST) on ABC1 and you can catch up on previous episodes on iview.


TV Review: A Different Breed

GONE TO THE DOGS















Britons reportedly spend a whopping £5 billion pounds (almost $AU9 billion) a year pampering their pooches. But if that’s not evidence enough of their undying canine devotion, the glorious bunch of nutjobs in this tongue-in-cheek ‘observational documentary’ series from 2011 will have you believing.

In Episode 5, Katya primps and pampers her trio of poodles for a V.I.P (Very Important Poodle) birthday party replete with Swarovski crystal necklaces and Brian May bouffant. But that’s nothing next to dog boutique owner Louise who is chaperoning the seaside ‘honeymoon’ of her princess, Yorkshire Terrier Lola and the aesthetically-challenged Chinese Crested, Mugly. That’s after blowing a cool £20,000 smackers (almost $AU36,000 today) on their ‘wedding’.

"The marketing material claims the real stars are of the four-legged variety but it’s their crazy owners who are top dog here." 

The happy pupple
Meanwhile there’s a freaky theme emerging with ‘doyenne of doggy dancing’ Richard planning a ghoulish performance piece involving a sprung-loaded coffin (gulp) and some fledgling canine psychics divine that a passed pooch enjoyed a variety of foods. Spookily insightful.

And standout doggy devotees, the barking mad radio show hosts Jo and Anna (slightly dim Bulldog Matilda and flatulent Miniature Bull Terrier Molly are their ‘fur kids’) bumble their way through controversy judging a provincial dog show.

The marketing material claims the real stars are of the four-legged variety but just like the splendid mockumentary Best In Show it’s their crazy owners who are top dog here. Dog puns, out.

A Different Breed airs Friday at 8.45pm (AEST) on ABC2 and you can catch up on some episodes on iview.

 

Monday 11 November 2013

TV Review: Ja'mie - Private School Girl

Ja’mie, We Already Knew You


Eight years on, is our homegrown queen teen bitch still (to use her own parlance) Ja’miezing?

Ja’mie King was back in the day. She was fresh, funny and fantastic when she burst onto our screens in We Can Be Heroes in 2005 and still had it going on in the follow up Summer Heights High as the ultimate grotesque with alter ego, the uber talented Chris Lilley pulling the strings.

"There’s nothing really new in her school bag of tricks."

But take away the new pop culture references and abbreviated teen slang and it’s as if time has stood still in Ja’mie’s third outing Private School Girl.

She’s still a fan of humpy dance moves, still fires off abusive quips like a firecracker, still spoilt rotten, still a cradle snatcher, still politically incorrect, still delusional, still the ultimate grotesque.

There’s nothing really new in her school bag of tricks.

And the laughs have become scarce. They’re more like scoffs at just how horrible she’s become and just how low she’ll go. Last week she concocted the ‘A Boy In Need Is A Boy Indeed’ program, shamelessly parading around her ‘povo’ African project Kwami and her Christian values in a bid to win The Hilford Medal.

Twerk that Miley
Sure that was always the gag. Lilley’s characters’ foibles most often shine a light on society’s own prejudices. But with her own show, Ja’mie is pretty much in every scene and the act is starting to feel as stale as last week’s ‘quiche’. Borrowed that term too, Ja’mie.

It can’t be easy to find something new in a well established, well loved character even if you are the exceptionally talented Lilley, though Barry Humphries has managed to keep his Dame Edna Everage endearing for well over half a century. You can’t help thinking that after the mixed response to Lilley’s last project, the bold Angry Boys that he’s retreated to safer ground.

Miss King could well do with another fish-out-of water interlude a la Summer Heights High. Perhaps her mooted gap year in 'povo' Africa where she could really get those bangs dirty, or a comeuppance in the cut throat world of PR?

Saturday 9 November 2013

TV Review: Homeland

Missing In Action


Spoiler Alert!

Firstly, some disclosure. I've been a fan of Homeland from the beginning, engrossed in the twists and turns of intelligence and espionage that Homeland proved so adept at in Season 1 and parts of it's sophomore followup. I'd even hoped that Brody's pace-maker quid pro quo with Abu Nazir which saw the offing of Vice President Walden was simply an aberration.

But now in Season 3, my patience is being sorely tested.  

For all the talk of Homeland starting afresh, sidelining a headline character for almost half a season (to date) - however much the storyline might dictate it - is either one hell of a bold creative move or a kamikaze mission.

I hate to say that on this season’s showing so far it’s the latter. The series’ scribes wrote themselves and war hero cum senator cum suspected terrorist-on-the-run Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) into yet another corner in what was admittedly a doozy of an episode. It ended with our anti-hero seemingly succumbing to the drug-addled, colourful concrete ghetto of Caracas’ ‘Tower of David’.

"Homeland scribes I implore you, bring Brody back sooner rather than later..... Otherwise you might as well shuffle Brody off this fictional mortal coil and truly reboot Homeland, thereby putting him and us out of our misery."  

But that was one – count ‘em one - miserly episode out of six so far. An integral protagonist M.I.A stretches the audience’s patience too like a rubber band. If there’s no pay off in sight, it may just snap.

Nick Brody: So far, so sidelined.
The good news is that Homeland can still be taut, gripping viewing with the considerable power to induce pulse-racing, bum-on-the-edge-of-your-seat moments; last week’s episode anointing a new terrorist baddie etched in blood, Iranian intelligence high-ranker Majid Javadi  (Shaun Toub) a case in point.

The bad is that for a series built on the verisimilitude of the US War on Terror, Homeland continues to stretch credulity, even if you factor in that yes this is after all a fiction.

This season’s long-con twist tried to seduce us into believing C.I.A caretaker Saul (Mandy Patinkin) had thrown bi-polar agent Carrie (Claire Danes) under the bus - straight to the psych ward. And what are we to believe of Carrie’s apparent pregnancy? Is Brody really the baby-daddy?

Pin the tail on the Brody
And I think I speak for all fans of the show when I say enough of the melodramatic misadventures of troubled teen Dana Brody. Last week, it looked as though she was leaving for good. Please writing Gods make it so so that screen time can be allocated back to where it belongs.

With Brody still M.I.A (at least if episode seven’s promo is to be believed) Homeland scribes I implore you, bring Brody back sooner rather than later. 

Otherwise, as Lewis himself has reportedly suggested, you might as well shuffle Brody off this fictional mortal coil and truly reboot Homeland, thereby putting him and us out of our misery.  

Friday 23 August 2013

Movie News: Batman Begins..... Again

B-Aff to don the Batsuit

Holy reboot Robin! 

After much speculation since the announcement at this year’s Comic-Con that DC Comics’ Superman and Batman would go toe to toe, cape to cape etc in the untitled Man of Steel sequel, the mask is off... Or should that be on?

Warner Bros announced today that Ben Affleck will be the latest to don the Bat-cape of alter ego millionaire Bruce Wayne taking over from Christian Bale. Affleck, who had been rumoured to be directing the superhero mashup ‘Justice League’ at one stage will instead slip into some patented rubber in front of the camera fighting crime in some capacity alongside Henry Cavill’s Superman. And as you’d expect, all involved are excited at the prospect.

 “We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular Super Heroes, and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill, and then some,” says Warner Bros Greg Silverman, President, Creative Development and Worldwide Production in a statement released by the studio today.

“His outstanding career is a testament to his talent and we know he and Zack will bring new dimension to the duality of this character.”



Zack Snyder returns as director for the sequel and looks to be giddy with anticipation at working with B-Aff;

“Ben provides an interesting counter-balance to Henry’s Superman,” says Snyder. “He has the acting chops to create a layered portrayal of a man who is older and wiser than Clark Kent and bears the scars of a seasoned crime fighter, but retain the charm that the world sees in billionaire Bruce Wayne. I can’t wait to work with him.”

B-Aff, who no doubt was already a WB favourite after winning the studio Oscar glory for last year’s Argo, has some runs on the board when it comes to playing a superhero – he portrayed actor George Reeves who played Superman in the 1950’s in the true Hollywood mystery Hollywoodland  in 2006 and starred as blind swashbuckling superhero Daredevil in 2003.

While that film under performed, Affleck looks like he’s on the money this time with the Man of Steel reboot which has past the $US650 million mark worldwide.

The untitled sequel is scheduled for release in July 2015.

Tuesday 20 August 2013

Movie Review: Upstream Colour

Pigs might fly

Drama/Thriller. M. Opens Aug 22

What’s It All About? A mysterious organism brings two lost souls together.

The Verdict: Trippy, beautiful and head-scratching. Did we say trippy?

3.0/5.0




Celluloid hallucinogenics don’t come much trippier than this.

"Unique, beautiful, bizarre and haunting"

When a parasite is forcibly inserted into Kris (Amy Seimetz, You’re Next) a hypnotic state follows, an uncanny transference-laced relationship with the deceptive Jeff (Shane Carruth, Primer) blossoms and telepathy with swine unknowingly develops. 

Have we met before?


This unique, beautiful, bizarre and haunting film from writer/director Carruth defies categorisation, let alone explanation. It’s mostly convincing, but that head-scratching abstractness also induces detachment.

This review appears in the September 2013 issue of Empire Magazine.

Movie Review: We're The Millers

Pot boiler

Comedy. MA15+

What’s It All About? A mismatched quartet pretend to be a clean cut RV holidaying family to sneak a massive drug haul over the Mexican border.

The Verdict: Watch the trailer and you’ve seen the best bits.

2.0/5.0


Imagine if the National Lampoon’s Vacation franchise were rebooted with a semi-subversive edge with the crass factor ramped up to eleven. Subtract much of that series’ lovable bumbling humour and you have a rough idea of how this comedy has turned out. The Millers ain’t the Griswolds.

"With plenty of gross out humour, profanity and ample hard-bodied Aniston flesh on display it’s pretty clear who the target market is – teenage boys."

When down-on-his-luck pot dealer David (Jason Sudeikis, Horrible Bosses) is forced to courier a massive marijuana haul by the surprisingly corporate drug king pin Brad (Ed Helms, The Hangover series, who incidentally is attached to a planned actual Vacation reboot) he comes up with the brainwave to pose as a clean-cut family on vacation to Mexico to escape detection.

Not the Griswolds
He recruits stripper Rose (Jennifer Aniston), dorky Kenny (Brit Will Poulter, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and tearaway Casey (Emma Roberts, Celeste & Jesse Forever) as his fake wife and kids and after a clean-cut makeover for all it’s all aboard a jet plane to pick up an RV haul of weed. Predictably things don’t go to plan, there’s an aggrieved Mexican drug lord (Tomer Sisley, Largo Winch) and a saucy down-home family of RV enthusiasts (Parks & Recreation's Nick Offerman and Kathryn Hahn) to deal with.

Spot the joke
With plenty of gross out humour (men, gird your loins for there's a There’s Something About Mary moment) profanity and ample hard-bodied Aniston flesh on display it’s pretty clear who director Rawson Marshall Thurber (Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story) is targeting – the swarms of teenage boys who supposedly make up the holy grail of Hollywood’s majority movie-going audience.

There’s nothing wrong with crude but it does help to have some genuine wit-laced humour behind it but apart from a handful of genuine laughs and a few clever lines in a lazily crass script from the writers of Wedding Crashers and Hot Tub Time Machine, that’s in short supply. And a fairly late lurch into saccharine-sweet territory does the film no favours.

Jen knew a fart-related catastrophe when she saw one
Sudeikis and Aniston – who have appeared together in The Bounty Hunter and Horrible Bosses and will team up for that film’s sequel - can both be strong comic leads but in this fairly stale screenplay they don’t have a lot to work with. Aniston has some fun with her stripper meets down-home mom role but Sudeikis’ character is mostly unlikable. Their reported improvs don’t amount to much.

The film had reportedly spent almost ten years in development wilderness with the likes of Steve Buscemi, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman attached as the lead with The Full Monty director Peter Cattaneo set to direct at one stage. You wonder what We’re The Millers might have been but as it stands it’s a poor indictment on a film when its best scenes can be found in the trailer and blooper reel. 

For some quality screwball family holiday cinema, revisit the original National Lampoon’s Vacation instead.