Film Review: The Host (0.5/5.0)

The Lowdown: This inane adaptation of the lesser known creation from Stephenie Meyer has at least one thing in common with her Twilight vampires - It too sucks.

Beware the cache of a name, even a monumentally money spinning one such as Stephenie Meyer, creator of the Twilight saga. When the filmmakers landed the screen rights to her lesser known creation The Host they must have been salivating; here was a property with a presumably immeasurable built-in teen audience positively gagging for more Meyer material on screen.

Maybe, but how disappointed even the most die hard of Twihards will be with this indisputably silly clunker which makes the Twilight series look like a bona fide masterpiece.

"When considering seeing this indisputably silly clunker it’s best to take heed of one of The Host's many silly lines; 'This is not a good idea.' ”

In The Host, an alien race known as the Souls is colonising the galaxy as prolifically as Starbucks, the earth their latest acquisition. They slip their glowing insect-like souls into humans, erasing their memories and controlling them one by one for a purpose that’s murky apart from, well, control.

Confused much?

That is until they meet their match in teenager Melanie (Saoirse Ronan, Atonement). She’s not about to be usurped without a fight - her body may have been overtaken by the flaky and confused soul known as Wanderer but Melanie's very discordant teen voice can always be cringingly heard calling the shots. 

She leads Wanderer, soon to be known as Wanda, to a hidden resistance of humans in the desert including her Uncle Jeb (William Hurt), Aunt Maggie, (Frances Fisher, Titanic) boyfriend Jared (Max Irons, Red Riding Hood), future love interest Ian (Jake Abel, I Am Number Four) and little brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) with misguided blonde baddie and procurer of human hosts, Seeker (Diane Kruger, Inglourious Basterds) on their trail.



Ronan realised she needed her head read for accepting the role



Yes, the whole scenario is as confused as it is preposterous. Ronan, an accomplished young actress tries her best in her dual role but can only do so much; Kruger, Irons (son of Jeremy) and Abel are soulless and wooden; Hurt, presumably involved purely for the pay packet, struggles to hide his disdain for the cruddy material.



Hurt 'Chose to Take the Money and Run'

Director Andrew Niccol (Gattaca) – normally a skilled go-to sci-fi helmer – must shoulder the bulk of the blame here. Sure he’s got the sci-fi sheen down pat but that in no way makes up for his stinker of a screenplay. The handling of Melanie/Wanderer/Wanda’s internal conflict – like some unbearable after school special in inane role playing - is lazy and ridiculous to the point of guffawing from the audience. And the cheesy love scenes are just as derision-inducing.

 

So all in all, when considering seeing The Host it’s best to take heed of one of the film’s many silly lines; “This is not a good idea.”

Film: 0.5/5.0 stars

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, William Hurt, Frances Fisher, Diane Kruger, Max Irons.

Director: Andrew Niccol.

Written By: Andrew Niccol, based on the novel by Stephenie Meyer.

Rated: M.

Genre: Teen Sci-fi/Romance

Year: 2013

Run Time: 95 minutes.

Out: Now.